i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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