I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
