She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
