Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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