its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
