I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
