oh god the rape fog is back!
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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