i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
