this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
