Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
