The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
