I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
