After last night, I could never be a politician.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
