I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
