I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
