he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
