Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
