Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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