Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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