The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
