Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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