hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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