I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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