Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
