what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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