As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
