you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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