that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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