apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
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