i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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