Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
