I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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