Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
