Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Drunk is not a location!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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