shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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