It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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