wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
