I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
