3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize