he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
