I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
