Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
