too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
That was an excessively violent trivia night
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
sex in a hospital.. check
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
