My sheets look like a crime scene.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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