Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize