did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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