Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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