Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
