Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
