go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
