have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
