Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
