You're my little dorito
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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