just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
