Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
