My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
