Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
