Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You pole danced in your parka.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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