remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
ttyl tear gas
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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