I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
