im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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