someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He better not be in your backpack
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
