Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
