Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
