I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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