I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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