cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We got so high we made milksteak
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
