the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
