so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
